Yesterday, I posted the link above on Facebook. I commented that, for many reasons, this song rips my heart out, and a lot of people thought that I was relating the lyrics to my own personal relationships. (which could be tragic or comic, depending on my mood) But the truth is, I was thinking of my mother.
Mom and Dad met when he came back from WWII. He was tall and handsome, wild and crazy, and accustomed to getting the girl until he got the girl, if you know what I mean. Dad connected easily with everyone he met; and the girls loved him. Actually, the girls still love him, even though he will be ninety years old next month.
Mom was the exact opposite. Oh, she was attractive; actually quite beautiful. But she was reserved, and sometimes came off as cool and aloof. She had a history of meaningful but chaste relationships with a couple of hometown boys before she moved to Memphis from a small town in Mississippi. Mom was a realist; some might even say, a pessimist. She definitely did not see the world through rose-colored glasses. And in matters of the heart, she was all business.
So how did two such different people ever start dating, much less fall in love and get married?
It began with an apple. Mom was working as a secretary for Dad's uncle. Dad came back from his stint in the Army and also got a job working for his uncle, as a truck driver. They met one morning in the office. She didn't fall all over him like the other girls, and that made him sit up and take notice. The next morning, he came into the office and put a shiny red apple on her desk; the courtship began.
Mom made it clear that, if he wanted to spend time with her, the drinking, partying, bar fights, and other women would have to stop. He was the crazy motion, til she calmed him down. But Dad never resented it. In fact, he credits her with giving him something worthy to live for, and says even today, that she saved his life. She set standards, and made him work for it, and somehow, they made it work together; for sixty five years, until she passed away almost two years ago.
So where does the song fit into this? Well, like I said, Dad was/is a crazy optimist. And Mom spent most of her life looking for all of the ways that something could go wrong. I mean, she didn't want things to go wrong, but unlike Dad, she just didn't expect life to be a bed of roses.
The thing that breaks my heart is that, I'm not sure Mom ever really felt loved. Why? Because she wasn't overtly outgoing. She wasn't easy to get to know. People used to always say to her, "I LOVE your husband! He's so funny, witty, sweet, friendly, charming, fabulous, etc. While she was very proud of him, I think it hurt her that no one said those things about her.
And to be honest, I think deep down she believed that we loved Dad more, because she always had to be the voice of reason. She was the source of discipline and punishment. Dad was always "the good cop" and she was "the bad cop." And Dad was fun! He made us laugh and not take life so seriously. Mom was always worrying about something....
But while listening to the song, I broke down over the lines, I've got a wall around me that you can't even see, and some people never say the words I love you...it's not their style to be so bold...but like a child, they're longing to be told. Because I feel like I let Mom down by not making more of an effort to reach through her wall. You just assume that a person has a wall around them because they want it to be there, but now that I'm older and have my own walls to deal with, I realize that that is not always the case.
I wish I'd told her more that I appreciated her efforts. I'm sorry that I didn't pay more attention to her longing to be told. By the end of her life, and because of Alzheimer's, the wall finally came down. And the thing that she loved to be told more than anything was...I love you. She would close her eyes and smile like a sweet, contented child. I loved her so much. I wish I'd told her more...
